I was a practicing general surgeon, a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, just returned from a College conference. I stood with beer in hand at the edge of a concrete slab that my husband was constructing to extend the deck of our home.
It was evening and as I looked at the lights shining in the windows, I ruminated. I had placed myself on surgical call the very next day after my return and I thought to myself, “Cheryl why don’t you ever give yourself a break?”
With that thought I unconsciously took a step backwards into thin air. In my mind’s eye I saw the fall in slow motion as I landed on my left side on a stone wall and felt my ribs crack and break.
I crawled back to the house and was taken to the hospital’s emergency room. After XR confirmed that the three broken ribs on my left side had not punctured my lung, I insisted on going home.
I was forced to lay on my back in bed while my ribs healed and of course immediately started to anticipate how soon I could get back to work. I figured two to three weeks tops.
During those interminable hours in bed I also started to muse. Why did this event occur? I was an only child, who never did anything risky, no accidents, never a broken bone. This accident had to be deeply meaningful.
It finally began to dawn upon me that my life was severely out of balance. I had chosen to become a general surgeon to prove to myself and everybody else that I was “good enough, smart enough and brave enough” to justify my existence.
I chose the most male dominated career that I could conceive of doing because I wanted to be aligned with the ones who held the power in this world. I would not stand with the weak and powerless, the feminine.
True to type I was back at work in three weeks, driving myself relentlessly but I also started a quest to discover the disowned and rejected parts of myself.
I read Carl Gustav Jung and was intrigued by his ideas of archetypes and the collective consciousness and the role of symbols in the unconscious mind. I followed the work of his students as they delved deep into the archetype of the Divine Feminine. I looked at cultures where the feminine was still honored, in Hinduism, and other indigenous belief systems.
As the years passed I came to realize that my need to prove myself worthy of existing started in the womb of my mother. I was born into a fundamental religious family. My mother, the last of 16 children conceived me out of wedlock to a lover who abandoned her and so I was formed in a womb of shame, guilt, and “not good enough.”
I came to see that the world in which I was born had been invaded by the Patriarchal Judeo-Christian-Muslim religion that is based on the great Lie and deception of Original Sin and the need for Redemption.
This doctrine had enslaved humanity for the past two thousand years by the most brutal means possible, torture, murder, and mind control. It became apparent to me that this ‘God” was not the supreme creator but a ruthless madman aimed at destroying humanity and the world through the suppression, dis-empowerment and exile of the Divine Feminine.
Twelve years after that fateful accident still immersed in my career, doing what was expected, my husband was diagnosed with end stage cancer. I quit my job to be at his side. He died a year and a half later. This was not supposed to happen. This was not to be my life, yet it was.
I went into retreat to heal my soul and again to find the answer to why? Two years later I was introduced to John Lamb Lash’s work, “Not in his Image”. It took almost a year to get through it but at the end I understood that I had been born for this. I would write a short mythic tale of the Fallen Goddess as told by the Gnostics and as presented by John Lash.
I would help to bring back into the collective consciousness of humanity another story to usher in the reemergence of the Divine Feminine to heal our souls and restore sanity to humanity gone mad in a frenzy of self hatred, hell bent on destroying themselves, and the planet, our mother Gaia.
It has been said that your greatest wound is your greatest gift and so it is that I offer my gift to humanity.