My mother was the baby in a family of sixteen. Her father, a Christian fundamentalist, allowed no Family Planning under his roof. Even though he was indulgent towards his last born, he upheld his moral obligation to run a tight ship.
Despite the threat of hell fire my mother followed her passion and desire and what did she get? A baby and no husband. Rules were rules and not to be broken and so, through a series of unfortunate events I ended up living with my mother’s sister and her very sweet husband until I was about thirteen years old. My Uncle was lovable, and kind, my Aunt a dragon.
Like my mother, I was indulged within the confines of religious dictates but in my heart I was not comforted. I was abandoned because there was something shameful about me. I was all wrong in the eyes of God and religion and someone was going to be severely punished for a very long time.
Being me was not safe. To even think of what I truly wanted and desired was frightening and scandalous so I took my cues from the outside. I cloaked and shielded myself very securely for my protection and survival.